I’m crying uncle early on in this struggle.
It’s just not going to happen. The big “ideas” I had for this blog are gone by the wayside. Instead I’m seeking something else. I mean it is a “blog”right? A web log. And what is a log but a record of truth.
And the truth is I suck at discipline. But I will continue to try. Every year I get a bit better, so that’s saying something, right?
So I’ve decided to make this something else. A running commentary of what crazy things enter my mind on a daily basis. Maybe I’ll let my ideas of the good stuff go. Maybe one day I’ll revisit them. But for now I’m just going to keep on going.
Recently the idea of “vocation” has come up a lot. Not a career or job – vocation doesn’t need to pay (but it would be nice). A sacred calling. A friend indicated yesterday that when we have a longing it is often the Spirit drawing us into His will. He doesn’t give you the longing without a reason.
My longing is to be calmer, quieter, a better listener. To rest and be seen as someone who radiates peace. It’s a long journey, but I seem to be on that path. Which is exciting. I’ve always been loud and false with my demeanour. Always trying to get my point across. I’m finding it not necessary to do that anymore. An adjustment of ego? A release of pride? Maybe. But I am going forward honouring that – it is my heart’s desire.
And into this character adjustment comes vocation. To be in a place where I can facilitate this type of rest. I have no idea what this will look like, but I do know it’s coming. To be separate from the world and it’s busyness. IN the world, because we can’t all become monastic, but not OF the world. We can make the choice to be set apart.