Gotta keep writing. It’s not that I haven’t written since February – I have. It’s more that I am too perfectionist to post and I need to let that go. I need to change my blog theme to something rougher and with an edge. I am not a professional writer, but I am a communicator. I have something to say, even if it is just for myself.
I am doing well. I’m on the far side of the land between and am wanting to rest in this spot for a while. Work is good. Health is getting better. Spiritual life is progressing. It’s time to step out more in that aspect though. It’s not all about me. I have a tight grasp on that concept now, but I still need to practice it more. Truth be told, I’m bored with myself. Or rather, I am bored of not propelling myself forward. And the propelling forward seems to be the exact opposite of what I thought it would be. Do I need to be more involved? Of course. But I see a path of stillness before me. The themes of gentleness, quietness and calm are pervading in my soul lately. I long for authenticity in my relationships – even the one I have with God.
Today Pastor Tim spoke of approval: Seeking the approval of others is incompatible with seeking the approval of God.
To be quite honest, I am tired of seeking approval from others. I am only interested in the approval of God. Authenticity. To be defined by my relationship with Him. To have intimacy with Him, deep and true.
Yet. The ugly side of approval rears its head daily. Images of seeming perfection dictate who we should aspire to be and act. It’s exhausting. But I find myself caught up in it so often. I find myself so CAPTIVATED by it. What a waste. Of time and spirit.
This “approval” addiction tries to find a home on this blog as well. I don’t post because I am afraid of words not being perfect. Incorrect grammar. A boring theme. But what did I start this blog for in the first place? Obedience. A direct call to use the gifts I have been given and to walk them out. And really? The name is The Sacred Mess – it is supposed to be messy and imperfect!!!