- The age of social media. Amidst all the ways we can communicate with one another – digitally or in reality – we are still lonely. We are still avoiding authenticity. We are still missing something, but we don’t quite know what “it” is.
This word gets thrown around a lot these days. Usually in the context of sex, sometimes in friendship, maybe in regards to our interaction with ourselves. What we rarely hear about is intimacy with God. Yet, I would argue that intimacy with our creator is the greatest hunger of humanity today.
Intimacy with God has been my personal pursuit for the past few years. Just over four years ago I finally gave in and decided if I was going to be a follower of Christ I was going to go ALL IN. In making this choice I dedicated myself to prayer, to studying His word and reading theology. My life with God has grown immensely during this time. I have deepened my knowledge of the bible, disciplined myself to use intercessory prayer and have even been given the opportunity to facilitate others in their spiritual pursuits.
But the intimacy with God I have longed for is absent. I “feel” I have a good relationship with God, but I want more.
I recently mentioned this desire to my spiritual counsellor/mentor. She suggested that perhaps it was time for me to “enter the bed chamber” of Christ. (Song of Solomon) Get to know God as a wife knows a husband.
Straight away this set something off in me. You see, I’m not married. Never have been. In fact, I’ve never had a relationship – romantic or platonic – that I would consider intimate. I’ve never been good at communicating my deepest desires and fears. I’ve longed to be married, but have always felt something flawed within me. Unattractive. Undeserving. The idea of meeting with God this way seemed foreign, if not impossible.
I truly felt God didn’t make me for intimate relationships – even with Him.
I put the words of my mentor away for a few weeks. But the idea of entering the bed chamber kept coming back to me. I put it on my prayer list, waited and listened, but received only silence. “Listen” is my spiritual word for 2017, so I’ve tried to spend time listening to God daily – but in regards to intimacy, I heard nothing.
Until this last week. That still, small voice came to me:
“Why don’t you talk to me about how I disappointed you?”
Um. Excuse me?
“Tell me where you felt like I let you down.”
There is no doubt in my mind what He is asking me to communicate. But, I feel like I’m over the disappointments – I’ve let them go! And now He wants me to bring them up again?
Yet, I’m determined to be obedient.
I’ve started a list.
TO BE CONTINUED…