Prayer is funny, isn’t it? Two years ago, I began to pray ten specific requests. I was prompted to do so after reading “Praying for Your Elephant” by Adam Stadtmiller. In his book, he advises praying for ten items and then slowly building up to a hundred items of requests for others, the World and yourself. I started with ten, but the number never increased. For over two years I have prayed for what I desired God to do/change in my life.
(I won’t get into all the specifics in this post, but these ten prayers have been transformative and life changing.)
Prayer No. 9: Character
When I started to pray for character, I had already come so far. I own that I used to have some rotten characteristics. I could (can?) be judgmental, critical, jealous, quick to become angry – the list is long. But in the past 15 years, God has done some remarkable work with my character. Primarily, He has taught me to love and love unconditionally. Like all other humans, I have a long way to go. Yet, as I began to pray I sensed He was leading me in more complex direction. I recognized an intrinsic part of “Who Am I?” was being overlooked. He created me for more than the behavior I was currently exhibiting. He was calling me to calm.
Not just to be calm – but, a call to be at rest. Admittedly, I am nowhere near reaching this goal. There are some unique hurdles I have to leap over: I have Tourette’s syndrome – not exactly a condition known for relaxation. I deal with some social anxiety, in that the more people there are, the more difficult it is for me to “chill.” I present myself bubbly and friendly, but this behavior isn’t always authentic. It isn’t how He created me to be. In calling me to calm, He was calling me to BE in Him. By acting what I wasn’t it was all about DO.
So, what do I think calm means at this point?
Lack of pretense.
Not working to impress others.
There is emotional calm. Spiritual calm. And a biggie for me: Physical calm. All these I will explore in the months to come.
I have so many years of conditioning to unravel. Society rewards the happy face and the “I’m fine” responses. Yet, my God is calling for truth. This blog is one act of obedience to this truth. It’s full of grammatical issues and blinding honesty. My words aren’t flowery or poetic. Yet I attempt to make each post genuine
There is so much I can say about this as I am only just beginning this calm journey – another step in to the authentic.