(Note: I’ve been reading through some of my summer posts and wow! Raw, but often a downer! Quite frankly, I am getting tired of myself! So to end off the season of my discontent I am publishing an older post. As we head into my favourite time of year I am hoping to explore the joy of life and the power of waiting on God’s best plan! Yippee!!)
Do you ever feel it?
That deep, deep disappointment with life? And maybe even with God?
Good Christians don’t want to admit it, but I’ll bet you it’s there. The desperate plea. The sorrow and suffering. The idea that “this” isn’t what we signed up for.
I felt it today. No reason. No cataclysmic event prompted it.
Sad. Lonely. Wondering when. Longing for heaven. For the pain to ease.
“My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?”
Am I not enough? Obedient enough? Strong enough? Disciplined enough?
For me it’s doing life alone. It was never my dream. For you it might be doing it with the wrong person. Or maybe that person is right, but never at the same time as you.
Maybe it’s not about a person at all. Maybe it’s your job. Or disability. Or sickness.
Maybe it’s unmet needs. Where you must, must, must have more, but it’s inaccessible.
Maybe it’s nothing concrete, rather a darkness, a fear, a doubt. Everything looks great from the outside, but inside it’s empty.
What do we do then? Do we abandon God and force our way into what we think we want? What we think we need? I’ve done it. It doesn’t work. Or rather it works for a while, but then it falls apart. And more brokenness occurs.
The truth (sadly) is we live in a broken world filled with sin. Some desires may never be met. Some relationships will be broken. Some darkness may lie in wait until we shrug off the corporeal.
Where do we go from there?
“Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle.” Ann Voscamp
Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle.
What we realize is the miracle may not be (or ever be) what we deeply hope for. Yet it is always what we need.
Today my miracle was not my heart’s desire. Rather it was agreement. It was an important person in my life agreeing with me. A person saying to me that they concurred – my pain was valid. My heart had every right to be broken. My situation sucked.
And, in that agreement, came the miracle. Not the outcome I desired, but the reality that I wasn’t in this alone.
And sometimes amid it all, that is enough.