I am adrift.

I used to believe shame and guilt were interchangeable.  When you do wrong and you justly need absolution, forgiveness. This is guilt.

But shame is invasive. Even when the shadows of guilt have been removed, shame remains. Reminding you that you deserve bad things. Attacking a stable mind, eroding self esteem, tearing at the flesh of a softer heart.

Be gentle with the sensitive hearts. They don’t work on a swift schedule. They walk through shame at their own pace. But they will get there in the end. They know what needs to be done, but it must be in their way.

I am adrift in shame. Lately.

Not one incident to blame. An onslaught of expectations I can’t meet. And reminders of my falseness. And so difficult to remember that grace is there. It is, but seems far out of reach.

Adrift. I weigh my anchor down.