Last week I was dwelling in self pity and wrote some regretful words in my journal. After careful consideration, I thought I’d share:
God isn’t enough.
…God is NOT enough. Not all the time, anyway. In those desperate times when you are told God is enough, He’s not, really. That’s the punishment of original sin, I suppose. We lost what made us whole. We suffer. And all the evangelicals etc. can say what they want – but sometimes, in some moments, He is not enough.
When the diagnosis is grim.
When the mortgage can’t be paid.
When he/she leaves and won’t return.
When you’ve waited, your whole life for love and love doesn’t find you.
In these moments – I think it’s fair to say – He isn’t enough.
And to go further…
He doesn’t always come through in the end.
Suffering. Loneliness. Hopelessness. Death.
It’s all over the human condition.
So. What does that leave me? Leave anyone?
“God won’t give you anything you can’t handle” – Ha. Not biblical.
What He did say? Life would be rough. We would suffer. Our hearts would ache and brokenness would consume us.
No more lies.
In this fragile life – in the midst of it – He isn’t enough.
Obviously I wrote that out of pain and not a little loneliness, but I did so with a pure heart. I reflected back on the words throughout my week and what I realized is
God can only be enough when we allow Him to be.
He’s the one knocking at our door. It’s up to us to answer. When He isn’t there, it’s because we haven’t made room for Him in our lives. Perhaps we haven’t been obedient? Or maybe we really want to live our lives with one foot in the world and one in Christ?
For me, I needed to admit my relationship with Him needed some soul work – more intimacy and times of prayer and mediation. How can He be enough when I don’t know Him as I should?
I choose to allow God to be my enough. I also choose to believe He has the best plan for my life. I believe He created me the way He did for His purpose. And the best place I can be in times of weakness and suffering is on my knees.