Hard On Me

‘Member how I said I wasn’t going to be so precious? Well, I’m also not going to be hard on myself for inconsistency.

I’m in Mexico and this is the first time since my last post I have had time to decompress. Between caregiving, selling my house, grieving my dog and work I haven’t had any energy to write.

I’m 10 days into my vacation and I’m finally rested enough to write.

I turned 53 yesterday. A lovely, quiet day with no fuss – just as I like it. I don’t mind getting older – one day closer to Jesus, a dear friend would say. But it’s not that. Since I’ve turned 50 life has been simpler – not easier, rather I find myself unconcerned with what I can’t control and doing the work for what I can and then leaving it.

Many of my friends have a deep aversion to getting older. They hold onto youth with everything they’ve got. But what for? Even if you do fillers and the Botox – we can tell. Not trying to shame here – but life moves on and why not embrace the new and let go of the past? I like my older self – I’m gentler, quieter and more secure than I’ve ever been. Wrinkles aside – anxiety about what you can’t control will only increase.

To each it’s own, I guess.

This year I hope to gain a bit more community, write some more, read a lot and become more at peace. To let the fruit of the Spirit grow in me. Take more time for prayer. And mostly, stop being so hard on myself.


2 responses to “Hard On Me”

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