Everything Happens By Itself

I've been in the midst of conflict as of late. 

Not the REASON for the conflict, but a unwilling participant.
I've always been the fighter - but I'm finally learning to lay down my sword.

Is the fight worth it?

Or is it like the Alan Watts quote:

"What can you do when there is nothing to do? Observe. And everything happens by itself: you breathe, the wind blow, the trees shake, your blood circulates, and your nerves tingle.
Everything happens all by itself."

Today I dealt with old conflict, new conflict and conflict completely out of my control.

The old conflict is partially on me. I admit it. Still, I'm not the only one in the mess. I can't control the other persons. I simply choose not to engage in the mess.

The new conflict is beyond the bounds of my "position." When it all comes down, I need someone with more power to take over the reins.

The conflict out of my control RAGED around me. Whew. What a mess. But somehow I was able to step out of myself and put it aside. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

And I have to tell you - it felt GOOD!

So good that it gives me hope for my future and makes me feel I can do this life/relationships thing.

I do find it curious that I prayed about this stuff LAST NIGHT and boom! today conflict. If I could stay this rooted most of the time I would be pretty dang happy.

And maybe my idea of who God is has been all wrong.

Yet, I know He is love.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
Christ is the absolute blessed assurance.

Maybe in the silence I can listen better.
Goodness knows I am tired of the sound of my own voice.

If I could only speak all the words in love. All the words.
If I could only rest in faith that I am Imago Dei and the creation of me is perfect in God's eyes.

And that I am always evolving.

Observe. It's not about not engaging, rather it's the ceding of control.

I can't make my home sell.
I can't make a perfect condo appear.
I can't force someone to love me.
I can't do all the things...

I can, however, observe.
Everything happens by itself.
With or without my imput.
Everything happens by itself.

My controlling it, or rather TRYING to control it won't change the direction.
Everything happens by itself.


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