Have you ever prayed for someone to pass away?

I watch my mother. Tears and clenched fists. Confusion and fear. What kind of life is this? Dementia has stolen her resilience to rise above adversity. The mother I knew is gone. Still she remains physically in good health. Suffering deeply.

If she could have joy; enjoy her days in the sunshine. If she could find some inner peace, instead of rising fear and regret. Something that would give her life some meaning…

I watch my father (metaphorically, as I’ve cut contact.) Rage and bitterness. Daily wrestling with God and convinced he’ll live forever. Suffering as a result of his own actions, but suffering nonetheless.

If he could humble himself and lay down his pride. If he could accept that at 89 years of age, death is coming…

What is the purpose of life when it ends up like this? Is it wrong to pray for their passing?

I don’t know.

God, have mercy on me. My imperfections. In my losses, keep me from bitterness. In my wins, keep me humble. I often stumble through my days; burying myself in distraction. I’m not familiar with myself anymore.

Past the half way of life and what remains is hope and the desire to finish well. Not perfection. Not greatness. Ripe with the fruit of the spirit. Having wrestled with God, I don’t have all the answers. I won’t while I remain here, but I still have faith. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes strong.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.